Who will tell you when you have food in your teeth?

I was riding in the car with other day with a colleague of mine after we had just enjoyed a very productive lunch.  He turned to me and said, “Libby, you have a bit of food in your teeth.”  And, sure enough when I pulled down the mirror, I had a piece of lettuce stuck in an unattractive spot.  After lunch I had a meeting with clients, so I really appreciated him saying something.  As we laughed about it, I thought about the fact that many people, even some of my friends, would not have told me.

That evening as I was driving in the car I thought about the stuck salad.  What made that important conversation work?  It was timely feedback, certainly. But why wasn’t I embarrassed?  If the client had told me, I would have been mortified.  A mistake, I hadn’t checked myself in the mirror before attending.  A vulnerability, I’m not as I’m trying to present myself to be.  Or worse, it was an incompetence that I might not have overcome in their eyes.  But, thankfully it was my colleague, whom I trust to have my best interest at heart. 

For me, trust is one of the keys to receiving the feedback in the best possible way (to change my behavior or fix a mistake).  I think for most people this is true.  Really feeling that the person cares about you.  That he/she is not trying to “catch you” or “one up you,” but has good intentions and really wants to help you succeed.